So, yeah, Doctor... I guess the yoga is helping me... At a certain point, you have to relax. Like... think that maybe things worked out for the best, or that this is just the way life works... Maybe it some way it's just better the way things played out. More realistic. More appropriate.
I mean, from my end, I see the way people can turn out. Yes, they're married, and have children, but, in a town like this, you have to buy into a lot, or be rich already. And I've always been poor. I've always looked for the spiritual in things. Not into the big image thing. Not into being a pain in the ass to waiters. I know, you have to provide, if you want a family, but that's not the way my life has turned out, and I guess I accept that for what it is. I didn't have the big ego, something you need if you're being practical.
And then, well, accepting things the way they are, you move on, and you just try to get better and live healthy and get your prana flowing and your chakras unblocked. Be honest with yourself. Healing.
And when I do this yoga stuff, it's like your drawing an inner mandala over your chakras, three dimensional.
And that's similar to what an artist is doing, like Giotto, making a two dimensional surface come alive with a three dimensional representation. Finding the inner reality. The act of art, taking a two-dimensional icon figure and breathing life into it, gravity, shade, shape, human emotion, mirrors, perhaps, the act of Jesus who brings out that which is within for people to see. That's what the halo is about, the geometry of an awakened mind...
So when you're doing yoga and you find a chakra and you open it and feel it, draw some intersecting axes toward the center point, you're awakening to the inner dimensions, and then the fact that this flow is the real you, the Atman, the soul. And from doing that, the baggage drops away, doesn't it.
Well, here I am, fifty, and to tell you the truth, I've never figured out what to do for a profession. Because I've been caught up in Ego. I guess as a writer you have to tell a story, and a story involves egos, but... it's a futile exercise until you find your own way to move on. Rather than latching on the next ego's story.
So what I need, Doc, is a job. Something that will give me a sense of a retirement plan or a place to live, even if it may be too late to accomplish any form of security of the kind known around here...
Yeah, I guess I got my own life to worry about now... And trying to figure out what it is I want to do with myself, all that sort of stuff that you're supposed to figure out right when you get out of college...
I was blocked. What can I say. I had internalized. And now, every day, with yoga, I get better, opening the channel through all the energy centers, and I diminish that old ego and all its stuff.