And when I'd had a good night with stimulating people who allowed conversation to happen out of a real explicit openness--I didn't be needing to see a therapist, just to talk with friends, real friends--it was good to get home and my mind was still quite intact. I'd had a glass of Pinot Noir, a glass of Beaujolais, a sip of Bordeaux, a half glass of Chinon, with dinner, around 2:30 AM, of liver south of France style, and I was clear.
When the trees were covered in the ice storm, each and every finger of every tree coated evenly top and bottom with a layer of clear ice, and then when a rain came and did the same, such that every brach and twig and finer twig glistened (almost pre-sexually), the pattern emerged, of how every tree near a street lamp grew in perfect circular alignment. The tree limbs were revealed as bending circles holding the halo of light evenly within. No branch grew toward the emanating light. Each curved around in a complementary curve, the lower one a holding hand, the upper a steady one. Down to the last tendril, the finest of the growing tree.
"You are your own boss up here," Chef. He looked at me. Cool.
Talk. Talk to your friends. Carmen.
There was always this big generous ape standing behind me. And when I got comfortable and self-confident enough with myself, the big generous very soulful ape would come out. Huge sized. Big arms to surround one. An intellect to embrace all of one's real thoughts. Great conversations would come out.
The big ape was good with people, and I could relax and quietly listen. Give them my feedback at at their good merriment with a look.
The big generous ape spirit, of mankind, and all the adepts, would come out and see me home on my bike, rain splattering up, taking the curve by the cemetery, then dropping down to Q Street, the ramp, over the bridge, then up through the circle, through Sheridan then eastward on R, up to the cobblestones of 22nd. The big good ape was within, smiling down, like the pensive Thinker statue but smile beatific and happy.
That's why I've had problem with Virgo before. They cannot allow the big generous ape, or see him in a different way.