So what job is there...  for a writer...   as an academic, you'd get fired before long...

And you have to remember, one side of the interpretation in reality has others.  What you noted yesterday is not the truth today, not the full truth, not the emotional truth.

Your hero on one day, say Hunter S. Thompson, who you researched through whatever you could find and watch on YouTube, viewed from another angle of the truth was not much of a grown up, was an angry aggressive person quite miserable to live with to those who would know, his wife...

And in your own self-wrought craziness and bad habits, your mother is not to be blamed, but a good influence, a sweet person.

We all have our own struggles.

And coming off a cold, I'm feeling pretty lazy, and too crazy to want to go out and be amongst people, even as this is what I need.  It's almost dusk now.  I need to get out of the house, for a walk, for something...

Don't be crazy.  Stick to the straight and narrow.  There's no such thing as a great writer, without it becoming very complicated.