Thoughts, they come at you, too fast.  And who knows why, why on one day you should have this thought, and one day another, all, as if inspired, coming out the deep pool of idle rest.

So when you get up, have several phone conversations with your mom far away as you wake up, go make tea, look into Facebook, seeing reactions to the picture and the video you posted, then take into account work, upcoming travel, finances, immediate needs for the day, like wine and food and library returns...

You have some sense of the thoughts that have emerged out of the blankness.

I write not to write, directly, say, as in a way of achieving anything that might have the kind of merits which deserve publishing, but rather to explore the process as a teacher, as for what a look at the process, one's own personal process, would do.

And in the same vein, the writer is also exploring his own psyche, which is what he has to go on, a far as coming up with any sort of history that would allow for a narrative to show and not so directly tell.

Again, it's hard to be able to sit down without panic, but it has to be done.

My thoughts seemed wrapped around the thought of we do we listen to, who do we respect, when it comes to those acts and opinions that fall into the realm of the spiritual.  Whom do we listen to in a world where clout is (increasingly) materialistic, economic...  Would we, do we bother to listen to anyone whose claim is less money, more thought, more eye to the whole being of group existence of all creatures and sentient beings of this manifested universe.

Teachers often fail the first time around.  And then if you add on top of that the nerves of being this spiritual teacher, it's not easy.

There are all sorts of charges people throw around these days, and this didn't just happen yesterday.  I remember thirty years of it, the painful charges that come from city people to those who bring them the grace of the countryside...


I sit and listen to people talk about their novels, these days....  It's not a game to me, it's not a marketing project, it's a serious matter that cuts to the core of our being, you realize, once you've grown in stature, as they say...

Eh, maudit, they will always try, without meaning to even, pull the rug out from under you.  They fit in, you don't.  They can afford living.  You yourself can afford a walk in nature, a simple meal, a bottle of wine, not a lot beyond that, anyway, superfluous...  And one should know this, in dealing with any topic, really.   Separating the spiritual and the important from the unimportant.   Sustenance, remember what sustains you and it will sustain you all along.  Perhaps to realize just what that is, you have to be in various spots, various jams, unhappinesses....